Sunday, July 5, 2015

Well.....Its been almost a year...

Hi, friends!
Yes, it's been almost a year since my last blog post.....
This year has been one for the books....
August was a busy month for me with school starting and everything, I swore I would keep up with it, but things just didn't pan out the way I'd  hoped. Yes, I've been organizing, making stuff, project lifing.. is that even a word?? But I have yet to share it here in my blog, like i've been wanting to.
It's been a pretty rough year for me, one I learned so much from and one I never want to experience again.
Long Story short... After trying for almost 14 years to get pregnant we finally did.. only to end 3 months later in miscarriage, this happened in November, by March,  I was pregnant again.. 2 months later, again... miscarriage... It's been hard.. I think the hardest is to write this. I've been keeping these feelings locked inside me for a very long time.. I've been able to cope, but I am traumatized and I'm scared that a baby might never happen for us.. yeah it's been a rough year.. But through this journey I have learned one very important thing... Although things don't turn out the way you planned and days will not always be happy ones.. I know one thing for sure, I am blessed... very, very blessed! I am blessed with family, who took care of me and loved me, even though sometimes, it felt like too much and all I wanted to do was hide under my blankets and never come out.. I wasn't easy to love at these times of my life, I was angry, sad, disappointed, and broken.  I'm blessed with friends... long time friends, co-workers.. who hugged me, listened to my ugly cry sobbing when I needed to let it out, who understood, when I just didn't wanna talk about it. And lastly, I am blessed with a wonderful husband.. I know he was hurting just as much as I was, but he was always, always there for me.. even the the times, when again... I was not easy to love. We've grown stronger together and I think I love him more than I did the day I married him. He is my rock, my very best friend. I don't know what the future will hold for us, but one things for sure.. I am tired of waiting..tired of waiting for my "life to start"... for having that mentality, that my life will be just a bit more happier if I had a bigger house, if I was thinner, when we have a baby.. Like I said I am blessed, beyond belief.. and I am ready to live the life I have now.


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